17 Pairs of Shoes

Zaca-left, Edmund-top right, Emerson-bottom right

El Salvador, Boy's Home, 2007.

Do you ever just want God to tell you what to do with your life? So often we pray and sit around asking God for the manual on how to live as Christians. As if we want him to spell everything out for us from whom, where, when, what, how. An exact blue-print of sorts. 

He has. 

Its called the Holy Bible. 

But it is a radical call. 

A call that insults my self-preserving, comfortable, controlled existence. A call that is far from grey. A call that exploits the true intentions of choice as selfish. 

You see I have this really intimate love hate relationship with choice. 

I like that I can choose from 5 grocery stores in a 10 mile radius from my home. I like that I can choose which brand of jeans I wear. I like that I can go to Target and walk out with tools, furniture, paper, shampoo, and bananas. This is choice. I have never lived in a culture where I did not have choices. 

All I have known is plenty. 

But plenty often leaves me empty. 

And empty keeps me coming back for more. And as I keep myself distracted by this imposter of freedom called choice it makes me believe I can treat Christianity the same way. Don't get me wrong I serve an extravagant God whose heart is generous and loving. 

I mean, He released us for the sake of choice. For the sake of love.  

But I think somewhere between the average American woman owning 17 pairs of shoes and spending 399 hours a year shopping, we have replaced the Radical Call with Choice.  

Whenever I need to be reminded of what to do with my life. I turn to Jesus' words to his disciples about The Final Judgement. 

Its pretty simple. This thing called Christianity. 

I guess its just a choice. 

There's plenty of people in the world who don't live in a culture of choice. 

I am reminded of the orphans (above) in El Salvador. They are beautiful, huh? 

I think it requires a couple things.  

Open Arms.

A lot of Love. 

 Time. 

Matthew 25:31-40.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying ‘Lord ,when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’"

Otium Sanctum

Guerneville, Healdsburg, Jenner-Sonoma County. 

Jenner, San Francisco, Alexander Valley. 

My backyard, San Francisco, Balboa Park.  

During this season of waiting I have been afforded the gift of time. As I have been confronted with such lavish freedom between completing nursing school and finding work, many realities have convicted my spirit about the culture I live in and its influences on spirituality. 

1st, We live in the 21st century where being busy is the norm. Richard Foster describes busyness as one of Satan's greatest schemes in distracting us from God, ourselves, and the things that really matter. 

2nd, In the Western World and sadly within the Evangelical Church we do not value being a people of spiritual discipline. Some how a Sunday church service and signing up as a greeter or teaching Sunday school has replaced practicing spiritual disciplines. I am speaking of Mediation. Prayer. Fasting. We can look in the gospels and SEE the life of Jesus built upon these spiritual disciplines. The theme of him retreating, seeking solitude, waiting on the Father is central to his ministry on earth. And early in the morning, while it was still dark, He arose and went out and departed to a lonely place, and was praying there-Mark 1:35. 

3rd, Social Media has replaced living intentionally. Being in the moment with others, with the environment, with ourselves, and with God. I fall short of this often. Which is why the Holy Spirit has convicted me and why I began reading Richard Fosters, Celebration of Discipline.  Satan has flooded our 21st century culture-invading the minds, hearts, eyes, and bodies of Gods people-by creating an appetite for constant stimulation, noise, and busyness. Its no wonder why pornography is destroying marriages, relationships, and chivalry. Matthew 6:22 Jesus says, The eye is the lamp of the body. If the eye is healthy then the body is full of light. We have traded the ancient arts of spiritual discipline (which Foster says positions us towards God) with the superficial and empty existence Satan offers through the world.  So I ask, How am I being set a part? 

4th, Otium Sanctum also known as "Holy Leisure". Foster proposes is the way of changing the culture. "It refers to a sense of balance in life, an ability to be at peace through the activities of the day, an ability to rest and take time to enjoy beauty, an ability to pace ourselves." I often like to capture the world around me through a lens. It helps me see beauty. Stop. Breathe. I have also been contemplating the disciplines of the Eastern world, particularly meditation. Transcendental Meditation aims to empty and detach self entirely from the world. Foster describes meditation, as an emptying of self and an attaching to God, Spirit, and Son. I have been practicing meditation by setting a timer for 5 and 10 minute increments (for now). Foster describes several types of meditation:

1. "Palms Down" and "Palms Up": When your palms are down you empty yourself. "Lord, I give you my fear about being a new nurse, not knowing anything, feeling stupid." When your palms are up you receive: "Lord fill me with peace and confidence as a new nurse." 

2. "Exhale" and "Inhale": This essentially is the same as the above form. In the exhale you release to God and in the inhale you receive to fill what is lacking/replace what is not of Gods kingdom.   

3. Meditatio Scripturarum: Choose a scripture and ask the spirit to have it become living in you, through exegesis, internalizing and personalizing the passage, and experiencing it with your senses (as if you were there).

4. Choose something in creation: tree, ocean, water, leaf and carefully ponder it. God uses His creation to show us something of His glory and can speaks to us through that form of creation. 

5. You and Him: Picture God and you, together. Picture the Spirit dwelling in you. Picture you and Jesus, eye to eye. Where are you? What is he saying to you? How does He feel about you?   

Romans 12:2 says, Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. I believe meditation can be an avenue in which we posture our heart, mind, and body towards God. And then HE can work in us. Foster says, "The path of "spiritual disciplines" does not produce the change; it only puts us in the place where the change can occur." I like this because it takes the legalism and righteousness out of the discipline. Therefore it is not the act of meditation or prayer or fasting that makes us holy, pure, righteous but it is the act/working of the Spirit of God in us.