A New Life

So although this blog has become sporadic and inconsistent writing may be more of an outlet for me to process this transition into being a nurse and rather less of taking snapshots of our life. To be honest life has changed so much the rememberance of what was has vanished in the midst of what is. I am not sure where to start. The moments I have rest in my mind away from the pathophysiology, etiologies, and nursing interventions, I almost forget how to think normally. One of my professors said by the end of this year you will look in the mirror and not recognize who you are because of how far you have come in your knowledge and skills as a nurse. Even know 5 weeks into it I have moments when I lose myself completely as though I am no longer the Jennifer I knew for 25 years, those out of body, surreal, unexplainable moments that I am sure you have experienced. Maybe when you are looking at your own children playing or growing up you think am I really their parent, are they really my child? Those moments when you realize you are not in control and the only thing holding you up is the love of the Father. My father gave me freedom to choose this path of nursing, yet, he wrote this divine and special plan for my life. There are two times in my life I can say with confidence God directly spoke to me. The first time was when Michael and I were going through a really difficult time in our marriage and God sang Isaiah 54:4-8 over me. The second time was on the beach in Pismo in May. I just found out I did not get accepted to the nursing school I am attending now -they had had made a mistake with some of my paper work-and I cried out to God from the depths of my heart like David did saying, search me Oh God, see the desires of my heart You have placed in me, remember your faithfulness in bringing me to this point. And He said, "I will fulfill my plans in and through you." Two months later I found out I got in to Mount St. Mary's College. And now I am at the bedside of people who were on the verge of dying and may die if their body doesn't respond to the surgery or transplant they underwent. I am faced with two realities. One, our incredible God has masterfully woven our bodies together to prevent and fight off disease, to adapt to changes, and to regenerate and repair from damage in such a way I don't know how one could deny such an incredible and divine designer! And secondly because of sin and the brokenness of this world we are faced with the inevitable reality of death. For those of us who are saved we can shout, "Oh death where is your string" yet for those who are perishing there may be no echo of victory but of despair. Therefore we become ambassadors of this good news. David Platt says, it is the shocking reality of the cross, yet while we were still sinners He saved us and took on our punishment, calling us sons and daughters and inviting us into the imperishable treasure of our inheritance. My plea is this shocking reality would not grow dim in our hearts as believers but it would become our daily manna! When we let God be God in our lives, incredible things can happen, but it takes a heart of surrender. Bruchko who was a missionary in Venezuela put it this way, we must let God be the hammock of our lives. We hang our entire lives in that hammock trusting He is the anchor holding us up.