Like a child

Free, fearless, trusting, and humble.  

As a child your heart did not question the boundaries mom and dad put around you, maybe your will and instincts did, but you did not yet have the capacity to emotionally and intellectually doubt and question those mothers instincts of, "Don't run into the street!"  You took one step back onto the curb, she embraced you and the moment became a fleeting vapor.  Now things are different.  You know the difference between right and wrong, you know the deadly capacity of carelessly running into the street, you see the other side of that street, so everything changes from this point on.  That fleeting vapor now feels like a thunderstorm in the middle of the Amazon.  A mothers good natured instinct becomes a battle of the wills.  Those uninhibited urges to just be free now take on the form of hot coils under your feet.  And those agents of death are no longer Tonka Trucks but life altering realities.  All of a sudden your world becomes much larger beyond the cement curb.  You trusted her when her stern loving voice directed your footsteps back to the house away from danger.  You trusted her when she would remind you to brush your teeth, not fully understanding the concept of bacteria and cavities.  You trusted her when she told you to drink all your milk because it would give you strong bones but you did not understand how.  You trusted her when she told you she would be there at 3:00pm even though you could not see into the future.  It was the natural overflow of a child's heart to trust.  And just like a pair of pants worn too much begin to fade so did that trusting heart. 

 And so I pray bring me back to that day I stopped at my mothers voice, without question or doubt.  To jump freely, fearlessly, trusting, and humbly into the arms of my Maker.    

Anniversary

J Patrick House 

Hwy 46

My dreamy French Country Home  

Country Life

Wine Tasting & Riding Bikes 

August 2nd, was our 2nd anniversary and we spent a cozy evening in Cambria at a Bed and Breakfast.  My one request was a fireplace and Robins, one of my favorite restaurants on the Central Coast.  We stayed in a very homey B&B and had a yummy homemade breakfast in the morning, a delicious dinner, and a gorgeous bike ride in Paso Robles through the vineyards.  It felt like we were in Napa! Our hearts were so full of gratitude and excitement of the blessing marriage has been for us.  The Lord has been so gracious to bring us through many challenges together to experience an even sweeter union.  One thing I prayed for when I was 16 was to have a husband who did not only appreciate the things I was passionate about but who enjoyed those things as well, and man oh man did the Lord hear that prayer! I always thought life would be much richer experiencing everything side by side with your best friend and it comes so easy for us.  I hope this does not seem like I am bragging yet rejoicing in Gods abundant blessings in our lives.  Everything is so much sweeter with Jesus!! 

Summer Happenings

Holy Cross Wilderness in Colorado 

My dear friend Meagan 

 Austin & Michael 

Pecos Wilderness in Santa Fe, New Mexico with the Lotzgesells 

Aspen

New Mexico 

Lathan, 3 years old

The Farm 

Michael and I just spent the last two weeks in Colorado and New Mexico experiencing sheer beauty in Gods Country & awesome fellowship with our dear friends the Kruggels in Colorado and the Lotzgesells in New Mexico.  As you can tell from the photographs we did a lot of exploring in nature; from backpacking, to hikes, to inner tubing, to fishing.  Our souls were refreshed by our dear friends who we could pray, encourage, and praise the Lord with!  Our last day in New Mexico we spent on this magical farm worn with decades of sweat, heat, and heart!   Our palates were satiated with Australian potatoes and rosemary(above), black eyed peas, garlic, leeks, asparagus, basil, corn and much more.  Not only were our bellies full as we boarded the plane but our hearts were singing...

Psalm 103:1

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, all my inmost being, praise his holy name  

Just Be Busy

"Just be busy!" Is this saying not the beat of almost every American drum?  When is there time to just "not be busy?"  Then as I began thinking more I don't think this is only an American problem it is a universal problem.  People of all nations and cultures are always tending to something whether it is a need or a want, we are busy.  So then I ask myself do I really know God?

Psalm 46:19 Be Still And Know That I Am God. 

 Or do I think that I am my own God, creating my own plans and schedule for the day even weeks and months ahead.  If I must be still to know that He is I Am, what experience am I having while I am "just being busy?"  I think the most poisonous tool the enemy uses is busyness and we have no problem using it because we feel productive, effective, important, and temporarily satisfied.  I hate this about myself "Martha" yet it seems almost impossible to escape this role & I don't even have kids.  To be honest I don't even have a job right now.  I am good at being a wife, a friend, a sister in Christ, but I really suck at being a daughter most of the time.  

Psalm 46:19 Be Still And Know That I Am God.  

Two things I heard while I was getting to know my Father today were, "I am inviting you to the banqueting table but you have declined the invitation to "just be busy" (Luke 14: 12-24 The Parable of the Great Banquet).  "Yet I have compassion on you and you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours" (Luke 15:11-32 The Parable of the Prodigal Son).  What great news, right? Yes, we are forgiven and accepted.  But to be honest I do not want to be okay with only his gracious response after I decline the offer to the party, I don't want to keep missing out on the party.  And I don't want to stand before my maker one day and hear him say, 

" I am glad you made it are you ready to be with me now my beautiful daughter?"   

 

Grass Valley

the beautiful bride

My lovely sisters from college

Mi Amor

Meagan & Austin celebrated their 1 year today

American River North Fork

My dear friend, sister in christ, and roommate from college got married this weekend to the love of her life, Stephen Miller.  If I could categorize Lauren and Stephen in two words it would be adventurous & down to earth.  Lauren & Stephen met our third year at Cal Poly and had an instant connection.  It has been a honor and joy to be apart of their relationship over the years and to have stood next to Lauren on her wedding day.  To give you a short snap shot of the wedding it was on a beautiful 50 acre property her family owns in Grass Valley where they have a vineyard and a 360 ariel view of the mountains and pine trees surrounding their area.  Breathtaking! But because it has been such an unusual month of May with rain and winds, Grass Valley brought some surprises yesterday.  It snowed, rained, and was extremely cold for an outdoor wedding in May:) but Lauren & Stephen being the people they are kept a smile on their faces the whole time.  After the storm eventually reached the property guests started taking shelter in the house and the outdoor wedding party turned into an indoor wedding party.  Have you ever seen a father daughter dance on a wood coffee table?  Or a living room transformed into a dance party with all of the furniture thrown outside? It was truly a celebration! 

I had a humbled moment when I looked out on the property to 150 empty white chairs, vases of flowers turned over and table linens sopping wet from the rain and thought, God does not care about any of these aesthetic details, He cares about people gathering together and loving one another! 

Family, compost, veggies, and Pismo

Veggie Beds in March 

Paine Plot Now 

gotta love the hill kids~ out at the farm! 

MaryLynn helping weed 

work in progress adjacent to the other plot

community farm (the hope:), anyone want to come out and hoe??? 

Sisters

This past weekend Michael and I had two honorary guests in our humble beach cottage in shell beach, Gerry Paine (aka mamma paine) and MaryLynn (aka aunt, gerry's sister).  Marylynn being from Canada had only a couple requests; the farmers market, Andreinni's, & Mexican food.  We enjoyed great conversations, gardening the new farm, a bond fire at our house, a historic walk in pismo beach, and of course you can't hang out with our aunt without doing a craft! There is nothing like quality time with family that makes you leaving feeling blessed, joyful, and refreshed.  Thanks for the company!! 

Self

"What she sees" by a 3rd grade girl today

The Mirror 

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you like what you see? Some days do you feel more attractive and beautiful than others?  Maybe its when you have lost a few pounds and have been working out more regularly.  Or maybe everyday you look in the mirror and you see yourself getting older and fatter.  Or maybe what they see, you don't see and have never seen.  And maybe, just maybe you are all like me and when you look in the mirror you see the reality of what the physical realm presents but not the reality of the spiritual realm.  I am talking about something deeper than what our eyes can behold.  Deeper than the number on the scale, or the size of your waist, or the wrinkles around your eyes, or the gray in your hair.  I am talking about the depth of our spirit that He sees every moment of every day.  And even now as I write this I am fighting against my flesh that say's "You are just not enough," every time I look in the mirror or see a reflection of myself or a picture, I only see what I believe and not the truth.  

And so what is the truth?

Romans 8:14 For all who are led by the Spirit of god are sons of God.  For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. 

The Battle 

For me and I think for most christians, the battle does not lie in knowing the truth, the battle lies in Matthew 10:38 Whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 

So, there is good news and bad news.  The good news is there is sonship with the Father! Heirs of Christ.  Sons & Daughters of the living God.  The bad news is in order to truly live, breathe, and move in this sonship we must die.  The thoughts of self, the reflection in the mirror, the comforts of materialism that say "I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am something."  Dying to myself, suffering, losing my life, these are all difficult truths for me to swallow.  And so I propose lets pray for this radical reality.  I need it but I am like Israel wanting to be in slavery, wanting to preserve myself.  Yet I want to be the man who found a treasure in a field and sold all he had to buy that field.  

The temporal cost is heavenly gain!